I was struck by a comment made on my Instagram post last week, nodding to the persistent, sometimes too big a challenge of living simply. Why is it that ‘simple’ can be so hard? Two things:
we are living in a world that is far from simple; distraction, expectation and obligation are persistent
‘simple living’ is idealised and ‘simplicity’ has subsequently lost its true meaning
There’s nothing complicated about simplicity but we’ve definitely made it so; we think about what it looks like instead of considering how it feels. I’m wondering: what does simplicity feel like to you?
For me, it’s:
choice
deep breaths
bare feet
meandering thought
cosiness/comfort
We are busy, we are stressed and making significant life changes when we are persistently overwhelmed is hard - really hard. It’s even more challenging in particularly demanding seasons; small children, ailing parents, bad health, financial strain.
What I come back to - regardless of what life is throwing at me and how I feel amidst it all - are small, grounding habits that can be practised every day. These are the inconsequential things we do, often without thought or intention, that fill the minutes and the hours. When I think about life and simplicity and the habits we return to - again and again - I come back to the most beautiful Annie Dillard quote which always resonates:
“How we spend our days is how we spend our lives.”
Given the time and space to consider how I want to spend my days/life, I think my answer would be ‘intentionally’ and if I go a little deeper, I want to live a life that I don’t need to escape from. This means there’s the work - the challenge, the menial tasks, the stressful times that require acute mindfulness - but there’s also pockets of really lovely things that I can appreciate and bask in. The banal, ordinary and delightful and the way they intwine so seamlessly, it requires a certain mindset to pick them apart.
How to start living simply? Recognise the ebb and the flow which I call ‘honouring the season you’re in’. There’s a lot you can control about your days but you do so in light of where you’re at; moving house, tertiary study, early motherhood, a new career, a bout of sickness, divorce, parenting teenagers etc. Sometimes these seasons are short and sometimes they persist but they are always informed by your internal season (your menstrual cycle/pregnancy/lactation/peri-menopause) and the external season (summer, autumn, winter, spring).
Once you recognise the season you’re in, start practising a whole lot of self-compassion. Because when you lower your ideals, appreciate your strengths and acknowledge your vulnerabilities, you start to go easy on yourself which means you create more space for change.
And with that space you start to appreciate the beautiful ordinariness that makes up your days. You slow down to sip your tea and eat your food and realise how good it tastes, you don’t mindlessly scroll because you’re more aware of how it makes you feel so you pick up a book instead which soothes your brain and your body, you stop the frantic cleaning because you know the mess will return and so you walk or swim instead, you light a candle because it encourages stillness and contemplation, if only for a few minutes. And with this small awareness shift you start to feel more confident in your choices and less inclined to be dictated by obligation and expectation.
These simple habits:
honour the season you’re in
go easy on yourself
appreciate the ordinary
…are what simplicity means to me. Less ideals and a little more reality is what we all need, I think.
After spending the week working and parenting, I decided today that I'd rather have someone come in and clean for a couple of hours a week than use up my weekend cleaning the house and stressing about it getting dirty again. With three young boys, all it takes is for me to turn my back. So, hopefully this will help to make life a little easier going forward.
My life is truly simple, season of empty nest etc but my thoughts complicate it. So for me it’s allowing myself to enjoy this season and not succumb to the guilt of not being busy or being lucky/privileged enough to live this simple life.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on enjoying all the good while also being so aware of all the scary things that are happening. I know denying myself won’t change a thing and yet I struggle to allow myself to feel the joy that is still present in the world.