you must champion yourself

the biggest lesson of my creative life

The jonquils are out, clumps of buttery petals lining the side of the road. You can smell the daphne before you see it, a sprawling bush growing prolifically in a garden on my street despite the owner’s neglect. Believe me when I say many have tried to get theirs to the same size and potency (those tiny flowers would make an air freshener jealous) but so far, no luck. I’ve seen three separate women of a certain age walk to this particular garden, secateurs in hand, not caring if anyone sees them. I tend to break the stem off when I’m walking in the morning, in the still-dark, and carry it home (smug).

My favourite thing to do on the weekend is hop back into bed at about 9am with my coffee and a book. It’s preferable if no one joins me (of course, the dog is allowed!) but the chances of this happening are slim because I have so many children. I’ve just hung the tea towels on the line and as I did I watched dark clouds move in quite quickly from the south. These tea towels really need a bleach bath but I don’t own bleach so I’ll live with the stains; hope some semblance of this winter sun can do its job.

I had a creative realisation this week which felt like clarity does: uncomplicated, profound. I’m 15,000 words into my non-fiction book and I could feel it starting to become unwieldy; paragraphs here and there repeating similar thoughts; an unnecessary circling. I sat back and understood that this rhythm of writing haphazardly and forming structured chapters later isn’t necessary this time. I have a really clear understanding of the sections of the book and the chapters within each section. There’s no need for me to write too many words only to have to sift through them later. A book will always tell you how to write it and this one is telling me to lean on and be guided by the structure I have because it’s the right one.

I think a lot of this has to do with confidence which always ebbs and flows. But something I’ve done over the past year - without doubt or inhibition - is champion myself. Not in the I’m going to win sense, but more like I believe in myself to do this work.

I don’t think this is something we discuss enough, so let’s do just that.