My friend Sarah is a musician, a mother, and a nurturer. At this time of year when her mountain home is blanketed in leaves and frost, she makes sure everyone is warm. She stirs big pots of soup and dresses her little ones in wool and double checks that everyone has socks on. “I don’t know why I’m like this,” she says.
I remind her that warmth is love. When we are warm and cosy, when we feel safe and secure, oxytocin aka ‘the love hormone’ flows and we’re filled with the delightful, gooey sense that everything will be okay. At a primal level, oxytocin is the social hormone that ensures our survival and helps us bond with each other. In the everyday, it fosters a sense of contentment and wellbeing.
It also has healing properties, it moderates pain and acts as an anti-stress tonic; it essentially manages the cortisol that charges through our systems thanks to…life. It’s the hormone released during physical contact and orgasm and it play a vital role in birth; it drives contractions and fosters bonding and breastfeeding in postpartum. The ‘oxytocin high’ that is biologically normal after birth is the greatest hit of oxytocin in human experience. You’re dazed and loved-up, you can’t sleep because you feel like you’re floating. If only we could bottle it.
When I was in zwischen — the time between the end of pregnancy and the start of labour (defined by irritability and tears) — my midwife rubbed clary sage into my feet and told me to go home and rest. She didn’t want me climbing a hill or curb walking or bouncing on a fit ball. “Just let the oxytocin flow,” she said. So instead of forcing the contractions by physically exerting myself, I cuddled up on the couch, ate chicken soup and watched a funny movie. Five hours later my fourth baby was born.
We all need the hope and healing of this soothing hormone. At this time of year, warmth is a balm for your nervous system. Despite the sniffles that have arrived on cue this week (chicken broth is currently simmering on the stove, I’ve upped the VitC dosage for everyone, we are down to our last box of tissues), I’ve been thinking of how I can make space for oxytocin. It’s actually a really practical way to take care of yourself because it isn’t complicated: it’s hugging a hot water bottle, watching comfort tv, tucking your children into flannelette sheets, slowly sipping tea or coffee or soup, connecting with someone you love. It’s a nurture bath of feel-good energy for your body and mind and when you’re aware of it, you’re even more receptive to it.
I think it also helps to dismantle the guilt we can feel when we prioritise comfort over productivity. Comfort is care! And, as I mentioned previously, it’s one of my pillars of simple, slow living; a sense of cosiness and ease within your body, your home.
It’s so easy to skip over how profound these simple, everyday acts really are. But when you understand the benefits associated with them, I think you’re more likely to prioritise them. And in doing so, you’re slowing down, tending to your nervous system and appreciating the remarkable ordinary things that already exist in your days.
other things
I picked up the new Marian Keyes book from the library yesterday and I think it’s just what I need to read right now. How clever she is to write sixteen novels and create intriguing characters from the first page. I always love reading a book and then listening to the author discuss it on podcasts so that’s what I’ll be doing for the next week or so.
it’s officially glove season. I bought two pairs of these fingerless gloves three years ago and they’re a winter staple. Every year I really have to talk myself out of buying another pair/colour.
I’ve started going to a weekly pilates class and I can still walk, so that’s good.
I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to be in Sydney more than I have this week with such a fabulous line-up at the writers’ festival. It’s so beautiful to see events like this thrive. Writers and readers rejoice! Fingers crossed some of those marvellous conversations are released on the SWF podcast.
I’m three days away from a big deadline (I’ve added another 30,000 words to my forthcoming book on postpartum) and I’ve still got quite a bit to do, hence the brevity of this newsletter. Must go!
Till next week, take care x
Just the words this 38w pregnant first timer needed to read, thank you ☺️
Oh wow yes, that time between pregnancy and labour – I never knew it had a name! Reading this holding my almost 6 week old, post middle of the night feed. The day before she was born I cried, felt crazy frustrated and then spent a gorgeous afternoon cuddling my friends 5 month old twins while our big kids played. It all makes sense!